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So, I looked in the memories and I couldn't exactly find a story that fit my situation so I figured I'd give it a shot. Let me give you guys a little bit of a back story. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 28. We've been together for 7 months and we've known each other for 6 years. We've been throw alot in the last 6 years. I was with another guy for the last 3 years, that was very abusive and ended in a rape and a pfa. He has survived cancer twice. We dated once when we were younger and we decided to give it another go.
After my long term relationship ended, I wanted nothing to do with a serious relationship. So I dated casually and I did have one or two one night stands. They were fun, the sex was great and I didn't have to commit to any of them. When I was in the 3 year relationship, the sex was horrible. I felt trapped, like I was an object, I was resentful and I had no drive at all. And Now that I am out of that relationship, my drive is amazing. While I was casually dating when I was with someone, I could tell them exactly what I wanted, how I wanted ect. I had no problem. I was not self-conscious at all. I was actually very dominant.
When the boyfriend and I started dating, that all changed. When we started having sex, I got nervous. Foreplay was no big deal, I had no problem making out and all that, but when it came to the part where he pants actually came off, I found myself being very nervous and unsure of myself. I of course pushed through it, thinking it was maybe me just liking him to much, that I didn't want to mess anything up or me trying to be perfect. I've always been very comfortable with sex. With the people I've been with, being able to openly discuss it, and now its all changed.
My boyfriend on the other hand, is completely different. He is shy even though he says he isnt. He is on celexra, which is an anti-depressant, which I thought could be the problem too. When we first started to sleep together, you could tell that he was nervous, and usually its a big turn on when a guy is intimidated by me, but not this time. And yes, he has called me intimidating. I of course was very dominate, because if I wasnt, I feel we would have gotten no where fast. The first couple of times, I was very dominate and then I started to ease off, giving him more control and such, which is a nice change of pace. Well, that is were it all went downhill, I think.
We started to have a shot or 2, before anything sexual started. I think it calmed both of our nerves and everything seemed to be ok. Pictures were taken, videos were made, we openly discussed things we wanted to try. This went on for awhile, then we hit a dry spell. He told me it was his medication and after a about 3 weeks, we were back to normal. We then started to drink more. Well, he did. We'd drink and play cards or whatever and then I couldn't keep his hands off me. The in October, we stopped drinking. We still had sex and I was honestly still nervous. I still could not bring myself to tell him what felt good and what didn't. Was I scared I was going to hurt his feelings? Yes. He was already shy, I didnt want to make it worse..well I did. Early November, after a night of drinking and from a dry spell of 2 weeks, we had sex, or at least tried. He might have lasted all of 5 minutes. Which could have been the liquor or the dry spell, either way I let out a very aggravated, drunk "You've got to be kidding me". And yes, I understand how horrible that was and I apologized the next day. I honestly wouldn't have cared, if he was like "let me finger you to get you off" or something but he doesnt offer. And he knows how much I love it. But then I have to show him what to do, which I am getting better at. So I can see where I'm at fault too.I know he does masturbate, cause he used to be very open with it. So I dont think its his endurance? We've had sex once after that, and I we were sober, took about 45 mins to actually start having sex and we might have been 10 mins in when he asked if I got off because he did awhile ago and didnt want to tell me. I pretty much rolled off him, said that wasnt cool and told him we'd discuss it later.
We'll we never did. And everytime I try, we get no where. Its almost like he doesnt hear me and changes the subject. We are a very strong couple besides the whole lack of sex. We are very close, we dont see each other everyday, mostly on the weekends but talk all the time. When we first started out, we used to dirty text each other, send pictures and make out. God, I love to make out, we never do anymore. We Kiss, but it goes no further. We still cuddle and sleep in the same bed and we're very affection otherwise. I've tried everything, to skimpy clothing, doing things that usually used to initiate sex, like kissing his neck or touching on of his hot spots. Nothing. And now when I mention something dirty or send a dirty text, it gets ignored.
I am now getting self-conscious. I invited him in the shower the other night, and I get "Im not the shower kind of guy" when he used to text me all the things he wanted to do to me in the shower. Heck, all he wanted for his birthday was sex, and he spent the whole night playing warcraft. I'm out of ideas. I don't want to badger him or make it seem like its all about sex, cause it isnt, but I don't want to be missing out. lately he has grinded with me when we've cuddled and I've grinded back and it ends there. I know, He's turned on and that he's hard but its like he won't take the next step. And I've been rejected to many times that I just can't take it anymore. The Old Me would have been able to come out and say "let's F*ck" and for some reason I cant.
I understand its all about communication, we ourselves have said that to each other. We talk about everything, personal or not. It just when it comes to sex, it's like we're both scared and I don't understand why. I'm sorry if I confused anyone, I just have alot on my mind and I just want to give enough information as possible. Does anyone have any experience with this?
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